Mrs. Barbara Dinger Jacobson - Flute Aficionado and Friend

RRRRRIIIING!! "Hello" I answered the phone. On the other end of the line, an elderly lady spoke "Hello. I'm Barbara Jacobson, the flute teacher calling about tutoring your daughter." Before I could introduce myself, she continued "I was asked to contact you by Jane Sholine, the music director at Lawton Chiles Middle Academy. Now you listen carefully. I only accept students who are willing to learn and excel. I'm a professional flute teacher and I was a faculty member at Florida Southern College before I retired. So don't expect me to come just to babysit your daughter. Is that understood?" I was caught completely off my guard. "Yes, Mrs. Jacobson." She proceeded to make an appointment to meet with my daughter before disconnecting. "Sheesh. I'm going to get along swell with her." I said sarcastically.

The doorbell rang. "That must be the flute teacher." I said as I opened the door. Standing in front of me was a frail-looking lady with messy platinum hair and clothes that were out of style. She was beautiful and she had the most captivating blue eyes. "Come in Mrs. Jacobson" I invited her in. After a long conversation and interview with me and my daughter, she agreed to have my daughter as her student. "Thank you, Mrs. Jacobson." I said. "You can call me Barbara" she ordered. "Yes, Mrs. Jacobson. Maybe next time." I never, ever called her by her first name. She always remained "Dear Mrs. Jacobson."

Over the next eight years, Mrs. Jacobson and I became very close friends. Her beauty, mesmerizing, soft blue eyes and impeccable command of speech always held my attention captive. I argued with her on every topic we discussed. Two strong personalities had clashed and neither one was going to let the other get the upper hand. Because of her husband's fading health (he was sixteen years her senior), her finances were deteriorating rapidly. Knowing very well she would never accept charity, she fought with me vehemently when I tricked her by doubling her pay and gave her gift cards for gas and groceries. She deserved it and she needed it even more. Although I finally reasoned with her, and she eventually accepted, she remained too proud to ask for it. I even chided her in frustration once "Mrs. Jacobson, I'm your best friend. I don't know how many best friends you have but I'm always looking out for you in your best interest." We fought about everything because that's what best friends do.

Whenever she visited, I made tea for her, sometimes coffee. Sometimes she declined and asked for a glass of milk or yogurt. I never knew what she had a taste for until she asked. However, she always went home with enough food to last her and her husband for a few days, which I used to prepare fresh while she was tutoring my daughter and keep ready for her. I even sent something special for her seven dogs. She returned the empty containers the next week. She made her conditions clear. "No lamb or veal. I would like for an animal to have lived at least a year before it's life is taken from it without its permission." she said. With that statement she changed what I purchased for the entire family at the grocery store. When her husband was ill and admitted into rehab, I went to visit him and spent a few hours with him. I sneaked some healthy protein bars past security for him when he got hungry at night. An essay of my visit with him can be found here. How to be Human - The Tale of Dr. Howard Jacobson.

After her husband passed away in 2018, Mrs. Jacobson became more relaxed. She was looking forward to a long life and a less-stressful lifestyle, not having to worry about her husband all the time. "Both my parents lived well into their nineties, closer to one hundred." she said proudly. I told her "I'm sure you'll beat their record." She had become quite progressive and technologically savvy as well. She updated her phone and purchased a tablet and smartwatch to keep track of her new lifestyle and daily activities.

Her freedom was destined to be short-lived. Age and years of stress of taking care of ailing parents and aging husband were catching up with Mrs. Jacobson quickly. She had become frailer over the years and she needed help with little things. I was always glad to assist. I helped her with checking the engine oil, tire pressures and the condition of the battery in her car. On other occasions it was printing something that she needed. It was all good. When she told me on July 13, 2017, that she was had cancer and could not teach any longer, I was devastated. I could tell that she was heartbroken too. I knew this day was coming. I had always wanted to take studio portraits of this lady, but she never allowed me. As she sat there chatting with me I took a few pictures of her without her knowledge with my phone. I have attached all the pictures I have of Mrs. Jacobson as they are all precious to me. On her way out, I hugged her and said goodbye and she cried when she left. This was a lady who would never cry in anybody's presence. As usual, I instructed my daughter Nisha "Please walk Mrs. Jacobson to her car and make sure she's okay driving out." My daughter needed to learn the value of the effort this lady had invested in my daughter to share her knowledge. I had asked Nisha to escort Mrs. Jacobson every single time she had visited for the past six years. This time would be no different, except it would be for the final time. Over the years Mrs. Jacobson had many students all of whom she loved dearly, but Nisha had the honor of being the last one she accepted. So it was very fitting to both that Nisha would walk Mrs. Jacobson after the final flute lesson she conducted before retirement. (Click on the images for enhanced detail)

Mrs. Jacobson reflects back on her travels, students, illustrious career....

.... and her upcoming retirement.......

..... and her plans for the future

Over the next eighteen months, I stayed in constant touch with Mrs. Jacobson over the phone and email. However, she always declined my offer to visit. Finally, on Thanksgiving Day, 2018, she agreed to join us for an Indian meal which I had prepared in her honor. We were all so happy when she graced us with her presence. She even agreed to have her pictures taken. YAY! It was a very casual family affair. After all, she had once told me "You are the only family I have". She was an only child and she did not have any children with Dr. Howard Jacobson. I was her family. She was my family. She was not in physical contact with a lot of people and so she was most eager to talk at every opportunity. When Mrs. Jacobson started talking, she could talk. I listened to every word while she rambled on. (Click on the images for enhanced detail)

Mrs. Jacobson enjoying a spicy Indian meal.

Runny-nosed and teary-eyed, she enjoyed it all.

Eternal Friends. We shall remain best friends for life and beyond.
A happy Mrs. Jacobson flanked by Nisha and me.
This photograph embodies the friendship, respect,
love and feelings we had for each other perfectly.

Mrs. Jacobson and her favorite student Nisha.

I can tell you with certainty, no other student took more interest

in Mrs. Jacobson's well-being.

Thanksgiving Dinner, November 03, 2018. Mrs. Jacobson opened her heart to us. "I think it's okay for me to feel so horrible. I do my things in the morning and eat lunch and then I rest. It makes me more able to think. In the beginning, I had to deal with my husband's pensions. It is incredibly frustrating and even embarrassing when you have to call so many departments and get things straightened out. You can't think straight. It's mainly that I can't find the right words or have the patience. Then I found out that everyone I deal with does not interpret what I say when I tell them I'm all alone and I have no support. They assume that you're living a normal life. Even though I was taking care of him, Howard didn't communicate very well. And basically, everyone disappeared from my life when I stopped teaching. My entire life disappeared. And now, I'm going to have to move when I can, but I have to have the dogs with me. I have four dogs now. And to go from having so many people around me to talk to someone at the grocery store or during doctors appointments have been a shock. Turns out I have a medical phobia. Going back 70 years when we live in the country, I had an unpleasant medical condition and I went from doctor to doctor. It wasn't very pleasant at all." She laughs as her mind travels back into time.

She carries on "When I had the operation they expected me to take care of myself. So going through all the biopsies has been freakish. I also had an incredible phobia of needles, so they just put a towel over my head." We all laughed. "I don't live in a very friendly neighborhood. So the four dogs have been incredible. When I do move I want the dogs to go to a good home before I move into a facility. But I don't do so well living with strangers. It takes a while to find people you like. So I want to stay on my own as long as I can."

I joked back "You sound like me. Phobia of needles and can't get along with anyone I don't like. Heck, I don't even get along with people I like." We all laughed. "You know I have like five real friends in the world and you are one of them." I reminded her that in spite of our generation gap we remained best friends.

The conversation carried on for an hour or more before we sat down to eat. We had a great time that Thanksgiving Day and we were all thankful for having spent time with Mrs. Jacobson. I was particularly thankful that she didn't have to be by herself. I hugged her and thanked her for coming as she left. "Mrs  Jacobson you are my best friend"  I reassured her. "You can call me Barbara you know" she laughed. "Yes, Mrs. Jacobson. Maybe next time." I replied with a smile. She cried once more as I held her tightly and stroked her head gently to comfort her before we walked her to her car.

A few months went by. I had spoken to Mrs. Jacobson in April and she expressed her wish to come to visit us when Nisha was home for the summer. June 28, 2018, 12:44pm. The phone rings and it's Mrs. Jacobson. "My cancer has metastasized, so I am under treatment again and I don't know how much time I have. Now I can't tell you when I'll be able to visit, so I'll just let you know when I'm feeling good."

July 27, 11:27am. RRRRRIIIING!! The caller ID indicated it was Mrs. Jacobson. Expecting her visit that day, I answered very enthusiastically with a big smile "Hello Mrs. Jacobson." The lady on the other end said, "Hello. I'm Michelle Shiver, a friend of Barbara Jacobson." At that very moment, before she said anything else, I knew. Three days earlier, on July 24, 2019, Mrs. Jacobson had passed away. Rest in Peace, my dearest Mrs. Jacobson. I will love you and miss you forever.

Although she had no immediate family, Mrs. Jacobson was cherished by my family and a few of her friends. "Capture Your Life. Dictate Your Legacy." It's never been truer. Mrs. Jacobson was a giant who dictated her legacy. I feel privileged and was fortunate to have captured a sliver of it.

Mrs. Barbara Dinger Jacobson (December 31 1939 - July 24, 2019)

It's not light or dark. When a person in your life is gone, life is empty.

Addendum: A Celebration of Life Ceremony was held in memory of Mrs. Jacobson on Saturday, September 07, 2019 at the Annie Pfeiffer Chapel on the Florida Southern College campus. The photographs from the ceremony are posted below. Please add any missing names identifying the individuals in the photographs. Your assistance in this matter is greatly appreciated. Read all the captions first and then click on the pictures to enjoy enhanced detail.

Before the Service at Annie Pfiffer Chapel

Pianist playing before the ceremony

Michelle Shiver speaks about Mrs. Jacobson

Sophia Jean, one of Mrs. Jacobson's students
performs exquisitely

Sophia Jean performing
Sonata "Undine" Opus 167
I & IV Movements

Accompanying Pianist performed magnificently as well

Simple, just like Mrs. Jacobson would have wanted it.

Mrs. Jacobson's colleague speaks

FSC Alumni Flute Choir led by Crystal Short Cooper

Prayer for Mrs. Jacobson